YEAR THREE: December 2014

Wednesday, December 31, 2014

Holiday Update: Washington and New York

I guess it's a symbol of how alienated I feel in West Virginia, that I was so happy to be in the Washington area Thanksgiving, and in New York for a week around Christmas. Part of it was being with our families. My nephew is now back with my sister for a short time, and I enjoyed his company. A highlight was playing "Cards Against Humanity" with my sister, my husband, my nephew and two of his cute 23-year-old friends. Hard to imagine my mother doing that, or Joe and I being able to do that as The Rabbi and His Spouse in Morgantown. My sister Robin, and Joe bonded over Scrabble, which I won't play. They are both too cutthroat for me. We also visited Baltimore, where I picked a bunch of historic sites to visit. I loved showing Joe parts of my original hometown.

Joe's siblings all showed up in New York City, and we were able to hang with his father's beautiful widow, Naomi. She treated us all to dinner at a restaurant with fine food, all recognizable and not food-porn stuff, and great service. Joe and I attended services at Congregation Beth Simchat Torah Friday night. We arrived via subway, and worshiped with probably two hundred other LGBT Jews. Joe caught up with friends from high school and college; I saw three of my cousins and a college classmate I still talk about all the time. I loved being around people who aren't thinking that we are less than they are because we are Jews or a same-gender couple. Good to be with people in our age group too.

We had each picked a play we wanted to see in New York. His had already closed, so I bought tickets online to my choice, "Beautiful: The Carole King Musical." I loved the dedication of the cast, the singers and dancers portraying The Shirelles, The Drifters and Little Eva. I understand that, at sixty-five, I am the target audience for this show.

New York and Washington are both beautiful cities. People here in Morgantown will brag that they have never been to either. We walked around Central Park in unseasonably warm weather Christmas Eve, counting how many foreign languages we heard - lots. I imagine many of the people are tourists, as we were. I just loved being there.

Growing up in Maryland, with four grandparents living in New York, I feel close to both New York and Washington. It feels more "at home" than Morgantown ever will.

It's New Years Eve, about 11 A.M. as I write this. Joe and I are meeting with a friend from Tree of Life for lunch at a restaurant. It's sunny out, but about 22 F. and windy. We don't really care to go out tonight. We'll probably watch one of the screeners I have from SAG-AFTRA for the SAG awards and go to bed early.

For 2015, I hope to be more at peace with where we live. I was reminded this morning of how blessed I am. In the comic strip Dilbert, he has gone online looking for a date. He said "Tall, with hair and a job" and got thousands of responses from women. When I met Joe, I was, as I am now, short and bald. I worked no more than seven hours per week when we met; I don't work at all now. Still, he stays with me, and we support each other. It's worth living here to be with him.

Joe, playing scrabble with Robin, Greenbelt, MD

In Baltimore, Thanksgiving weekend

With my first cousin Eric Polk in East Northport, NY

Dinner with the Hamples and partners at Pasha Turkish Restaurant in New York

Broadway in the 70s. Joe and his brother are walking away from me

With one of my college housemates, John Hnedak, at The Met

Joe with Steven Levine, his friend from school days, Scarsdale, NY

With my cousin Howie Rotblatt near Times Square

Joe by Central Park Reservoir

Thursday, December 18, 2014

The Gym and The Holidays

Back in Baltimore, we lived in a segregated society. In the days of smaller businesses, we had our own doctors, pharmacists, dentists. If Jews exercised, it was at the Jewish Community Center. Most of our classmates at school were Jews. Despite that, there was always a Christmas pageant, Christmas carols, Easter, and in some classes, until Madelyn Murray, we had to say The Lord’s Prayer and read from a Christian Bible. In high school, we had our own Jewish youth groups. Fraternization with Christians was frowned upon.

In college, my friends were most likely to be Christian, at least in name. Those of us not from super wealthy families at the private university I attended tended to hang together. None of us were particularly religious, anyway.

In Los Angeles, most of the “white” people were Jewish. Everyone lived in their own ethnic ghetto, with Jews being the most powerful group in the city. We had two synagogues for gays and lesbians, among over a hundred synagogues in Los Angeles County. It was a good place to immerse oneself in Jewish culture and redefine it in a personal way. Public schools closed for Yom Kippur.

In West Virginia, the Jewish community is small, and probably shrinking. There is a bubble of liberal Judaism in the South Park neighborhood of Morgantown, but throughout the state, Jews are invisible by choice. In Morgantown, the local paper does feature articles about Chanuka and Rosh Hashana. This year West Virginia University’s homecoming parade and football game coincided with Yom Kippur. Morgantown High’s homecoming parade was on a Wednesday night, Rosh Hashana. A congregant told me that students and teachers were advised that they would not get an excused absence the next day for Rosh Hashana.

This brings me to the gym. I joined in the summer of 2012, right after we moved here. The gym is through WVU, designed for people over sixty and people with a heart condition. I was a perfect candidate. There are four people working in the office. Graduate and undergraduate students are out on the floor, chatting with the oldsters and taking our pulse and blood pressure periodically.

I think the regular workers were surprised that I was the husband of the new rabbi in town. The University has a non-discrimination policy for LGBT people in place, so there was no kickback. One of the men who works there, who rarely comes out of the office, has almost never spoken to me. The woman in charge, and the two other men who work there were friendly enough. They are all religious Christians, probably Evangelicals. I haven’t discussed their specific religious beliefs in great detail.. One of the men does discuss his faith with others at the gym, and when he is in charge, the radio music in the weight room mysteriously changes from classic rock to a Christian station. I wasn’t always comfortable with the talk of football and hunting among the students and workers, but I understood that this was a gym.

What changed was the court decision in the Fourth Circuit that led to the legality of same-gender marriage in West Virginia. I felt that the two men in the office who were moderately friendly avoided me after that decision.

The students are exercise physiology majors. Two of the grad students admitted to me that they hadn’t read a book all the way through since eighth grade. None of the ones I spoke to, either in 2012 or 2014 voted in the election. None of them read a newspaper. I told some of them about the marriage decision, and most were supportive. Only one actually lit up with a big smile and said “Congratulations!” The kids do know about both professional and WVU sports teams.

One of the old guys who works out regularly is a right-wing loudmouth. He comes in and pontificates loudly about his hatred of President Obama, and once called Hillary Clinton “a twit.” No one ever disagrees with him. I did once, and we got into a heated argument. Someone pulled us apart. We are too old to actually get into a fight; we are both heart patients. I felt like I was blamed for the altercation.

We have free speech and freedom of religion in this country. What people don’t get is that there are consequences. I don’t need to be in a place where I’m uncomfortable. Yesterday,I told the woman who runs the gym, who was rarely there when I was the last few weeks, that I wasn’t coming back in 2015. She was surprised when I gave her my reasons. She didn’t think I would mind hearing Christian radio, or that I would be snubbed, or find someone’s ongoing right-wing rants offensive.

I went in yesterday, the first day of Chanuka, and gave the staff members who were there and the two grad students (the undergrads are gone, finished for the semester) bags of chocolate coins from Israel. They just looked at me. The Christmas tree is up in the office, and one of the men asked me to attend the Christmas party Friday. Maybe I’m picking a fight where there doesn’t need to be one, but, no, I don’t want to be at your Christmas party.

Maybe the problem is just West Virginia. Christianity, particularly the anti-gay type, is the State religion. Maybe I should stay and continue to educate people. I’d rather keep looking for a more comfortable gym. We may move to South Park next year, close to the synagogue, and the one liberal neighborhood in the 250 mile stretch between Pittsburgh and Charleston.

Thursday, December 11, 2014

Bedford County, Virginia

Joe and I were supposed to do this trip in November. Unfortunately, the days we picked were the days we got hit with weather below 20 F. with wind gusts up to 40 mph. So we didn't go. In a way, I was relieved. I'm always worried about how we will be treated as a couple. Bedford County is adjacent to Lynchburg, the home of Liberty University, founded by the late unlamented Jerry Falwell. There is even a Jerry Falwell Expressway. Maybe I worry that people will be mean nore than I should. In November, I took a Saturday to spend a few hours in Belmont County, Ohio, close enough to go and come back, instead of going to Bedford County.

We were in Washington with my family for Thanksgiving and we will be with Joe's family in New York City later in December. It seemed foolish to plan another trip, even three days. Sill, it looked like the weather would be reasonable December seventh, eighth and ninth, so I went solo. I booked a cheap motel on the edge of the Town of Bedford.

I drove over the mountains, through Grafton, Philippi and Elkins, West Virginia , and Highland and Warm Springs, Virginia. I lunched early at a sub shop in Elkins; there isn't much on the road after that. US 250 climbs over one set of mountains, winding around each peak. The sun shone, and at the higher elevations the trees glistened with the light on the icy branches, like Christmas tinsel, beautiful. Once you get over the mountains, you hit two-lane US 220 through the Shenandoah Valley, past The Homestead, where I stayed in August in Hot Springs. From the valley, there is another set of mountains. I crossed these on VA 43, another two-lane, winding road. I thought it would be flat then, but next up were The Blue Ridge Mountains, right on the edge of Bedford. Part of VA 43 follows Blue Ridge Parkway.

From west to east, there are four parts of Bedford County. First is The Blue Ridge. There are three peaks in the area, The Peaks of Otter, including the highest point on Blue Ridge Parkway in Virginia. At other times of the year, it's a great place to hike or picnic. It was cold and windy when I arrived; the picnic areas were closed for the season.

A few miles down the road, across rolling hills and farms dotted with pre-Civil War mansions, is the Town of Bedford. It's small, pretty, with a historic downtown. There are beautiful old homes north and east of downtown, but the main commercial area is east of town along US 460.

Moving east past Wal-Mart, there are farms, forests and villages. I drove through this area without paying much attention.

The eastern end of Bedford County is suburban Lynchburg. I saw many new developments, including large apartment complexes, lots of strip shopping centers, some with a better class of stores (Kroger instead of Food Lion) and a surprising number of Mexican restaurants.

I looked up Macy's to see if there was a more upscale area. There is one in River Ridge Mall, technically in the City of Lynchburg, so not Bedford County, but I went there for lunch. It's located on a hillside also occupied by Liberty University. A community college is across the street.

I went looking for Lynchburg's Reform synagogue, also on the west side of town. After lunch, I resumed looking for historic sites in Bedford County.

In the suburban neighborhoods outside Lynchburg, I found Poplar Forest, Thomas Jefferson's retreat home from his retirement years, a two-day ride on horseback from Monticello, his family home near Charlottesville. The house is semi-restored. There is a tour. I got there at 3:30 on a cold, damp afternoon. I was the only one on the tour with Deborah, the guide. She was certainly knowledgeable about the house and its history. I don't always enjoy house tours, and I was nervous, because when Joe and I toured Jefferson's Monticello on December 26, 2012, I passed out mid-tour. I was tired for this tour, but thankfully held up better. The house, its history and the restoration are fascinating.

I crashed at my motel for an hour. I hadn't seen a restaurant where I would want to have dinner. The first night, I ate at a storefront Chinese restaurant near WalMart. Despite rain and near-freezing temperatures, I drove to the Kroger in Forest, the upscale suburb of Lynchburg, back near Poplar Forest. Tanner, the nice young man at the deli counter, dished out a dinner of chicken parmigiana, tortellini in a balsamic sauce and a "superfood" salad ( kale and other unidentifiable greens, quinoa and I'm not sure what else). I ate in the store.

It was 252 miles to my hotel from home over the mountains. I went back on main roads and interstates. It was 286 miles. I stopped more on the way back, but the time traveling was the same. There was snow in the mountains along I-64 on the border of Virginia and West Virginia. The roads were clear and there was no rain or snow. I passed near Roanoke, through Fincastle and Covington, Virginia, stopping for lunch on US-19 in West Virginia before heading home on I-79.

I didn't interact much with people on this trip. The people at the motel, the clerks and tour guide were all friendly enough. I was only put off by the long line of people at a restaurant in the mall with a lately deceased homophobic owner. I also noticed how many grossly overweight people I encountered. Not blaming anyone for that.

This was an exhausting trip. I don't like to think this, but maybe 800 miles alone in three days is too much for me. Still, I like to get away and explore a new place. My favorite places were Jefferson's Poplar Forest at the east end of the county, and Blue Ridge Parkway and The Peaks of Otter in the west.