Gender

Last week, Joe and I attended a presentation at WVU by Dr. Colt Meier about transgender issues and how to make transgender people welcome at West Virginia University. I felt we should go because I am on the LGBT Equity Commission for the University, and because we are always trying to meet gay people in town, in the (so-far unsuccessful) attempt to create a gay social network for ourselves.

Dr. Meier is young, blond and pretty with stylish stubble. He spoke rapidly and covered lots of ground. Ultimately, he told us that he himself is transgendered, lucky to have had understanding parents who worked as professionals in education and psychiatry. I would add that he was lucky to be so young. In our day, he might not have survived.

Although Dr. Colt was upbeat throughout, he managed to sneak in some terrifying statistics. I don't remember the exact numbers, but a majority of trans kids are kicked out of their homes or beaten by their parents. Homelessness and unemployment are rampant, and even those with jobs are often discriminated against or harassed by coworkers and supervisors. College students have issues about sports, dormitory arrangements and prejudice from teachers and fellow students. Dating can be problematic.

We learned a new word: "cisgender." It describes people who feel that they really belong to the gender they were born into. That would describe me and Joe. We are both hairy-bodied, balding older men. We don't manscape or hide our gender characteristics. And yet...

At the break, we asked someone to take our picture with Dr Meier. I asked him "What if you look really male, but you don't do really male things?" I told him I have no interest in sports, don't drink beer or hunt, can't fix a car, like to dress flashy and secretly wish I had a collection of Barbie dolls. I didn't have to mention that I'm married to another man. Dr. Meier suggested I was "gender non-conforming." Well. I'm glad we have a name for that. Another phrase he used was "gender dysphoric." That means you are unhappy with the gender you have. That one doesn't work for me. Yes, it would be nice to have beautiful long hair like my sister, but I'm generally happy to have a man's body.

I found Dr. Meier charming and kind of hot. Of course, I was curious about how much he has changed from his original female body, but I learned from him that the answer to that question is "None of your business." Until it is. But in my case, it isn't my business and won't be.

A crowd came to hear this talk. Most of them were required to show up as part of a course. They left after the formal presentation. A faculty member signed their little cards to prove their attendance. The people who stayed for the question-and-answer were more interesting. A woman said her lover was trans, and she wondered how to tell people. A young man with curly blond hair said he understood the concept of "passing" as he was not "white" although people who met him thought he was. There were a lot of uncomfortable looking young men and women there, some trying to "pass" as the gender they were born into. It's hard to imagine how difficult that must be. I remember myself in college, trying hard not to look "gay," but already aware that I was. In those days we had to hide. Hopefully, things everywhere, even at West Virginia University, are getting better.

Joe and I with Dr. Colt Meier