Lavender Graduation at WVU

I am on the LGBT Equity Commission of West Virginia University as a "community" member. Princeton University rates colleges on a number of values every year. One of them is "gay-friendly." We were already living here before WVU filled out the questionnaire for this rating for the first time, so no earlier than 2012. They failed. The equity commission came out of that. WVU is trying to be more inclusive.

There are LGBT student groups now for undergraduates, law school students, and people in medical school and health sciences. There may be an LGBT student center next year. This is the second year of Lavender Graduation, a special ceremony to honor LGBT graduates. I didn't go last year.

This year, it was scheduled for May 2, a Saturday, at 2:30.  Joe agreed to go with me after morning services and a potluck lunch at temple. I got dressed up for services and added a purple plastic Mardi Gras-style necklace to my ensemble for the Lavender Graduation.

I wasn't expecting much from this. After all, we are liberated now, and there isn't a need for a separate ceremony, right?

Most of the grads were women. I figured it is harder for young men to be out than it is for women. I was a year and a half out of college before I could admit to anyone that I was gay. Most of the girls looked like the rest of their classmates: long, straight hair, short skirt, and sandals. They could have hid. Some of the men were more "open" looking.

University president E. Gordon Gee spoke. He stressed the importance to WVU, and to him personally, that WVU be gay-friendly. He described himself as a "devout Mormon" and how, growing up in a small town in Utah, he didn't know any non-Mormons until he went to college. He seemed surprised at himself- that he has come so far. Joe and I were invited to dinner with him last month as a couple,which should seem just natural, but still felt to me like a big step. I have great respect for President Gee.

The grads were shy. Everyone was offered a chance to speak briefly, but very few did. Of those that spoke, most of them thanked Daniel Brewster, a professor in, I think, Sociology, and an advisor to student government generally, but also a mentor to gay students. One young person, long hair and dress, spoke. "I know I can't pass," she said in a deep man's voice, then ran out in tears. A friend followed, comforted her and brought her back in.

The program listed hometowns for the students. Some were from nowhere towns in rural West Virginia. I realized how hard it must be for them to be gay or lesbian. One student listed Benghazi as his hometown, and one man, who wore a suit and came with a beautiful woman, listed Tehran as home. I spoke with him at the reception after the event. He is trying to figure out how to stay in the United States. Returning to Iran is not an option. The woman with him is a friend, also from Iran.

In line for the food at the reception, I spoke to a young man, Jewish from Baltimore County, a Pikesville High grad and an actor. I told him I had attempted an acting career in Los Angeles. He was with another young man, an actor also. They asked me for advice, as if I had anything intelligent to say. I suggested not going to Los Angeles cold. I don't think they liked that, but they both have actor-related plans after graduation elsewhere. I introduced them to my husband, the rabbi, and wished them luck and blessings. They already work hard and have talent. I've seen them both in WVU  theater productions.

I greeted Professor Brewster as we were leaving, and I thanked him for being a mentor to so many students. He told me that one of the men had never come out to anyone before that day. I was almost crying with emotion as we headed back to the car.

It's easy to be jaded after years of being out, but I was reminded how life-changing it is for a young person to be openly gay. It can mean a total break from family, friends, religion, and even one's country of origin. I applaud these new grads, and wish them a life full of love and blessings.

WVU President Gee speaking at Lavender Graduation

The Morgantown Human Rights Commission

The city of Morgantown has a Human Rights Commission. I've met some of the members, all dedicated, optimistic, and trying to make Morgantown more "inclusive." The commission's website says "The purpose of the Human Rights Commission is to provide leadership for addressing community interaction and fairness concerns. It works to ensure that the City is not only providing services, but maintaining ways in which a community can live together inclusively, functionally, and justly, despite differences, complexities, and conflicts."

The Commission ran a survey last year that asked respondents what their issues are in Morgantown about inclusivity. We were not eligible to participate because we live outside Morgantown's city limits, as do most people in this county. Many reported that they felt the city was not welcoming to people of color, those with disabilities, and LGBT people.

Last night (Wednesday, March 25), the Commission held an open meeting to discuss the results of the survey and come up with ideas that could be implemented by the City Council. We will be residents of Morgantown, within the city limits, when we move in May, so I felt qualified to go. We were divided into four groups: housing, transportation, jobs, and help for the disabled.

I picked transportation to deal with. We were chaired by Don Spencer, a member of the Commission, an acquaintance, and a genuinely good person. We were maybe ten in our group, mostly women, some from an advocacy group for the disabled, a man who is the head of the local Chamber of Commerce, and someone from the Morgantown Monongalia Metropolitan Planning Organization.

We had lots to talk about. Many of the streets here are too narrow to acommodate a sidewalk , the very limited bus service doesn't run weeknights and Sundays. The PRT, our once futuristic driverless rail system, is run by West Virginia University. It's great, but doesn't run as well as it did in the early 1970s, when it was created, and certainly hasn't been expanded. It also doesn't run Sundays, and was off all last summer for repairs. Sidewalks downtown were upgraded in the last few years with fancy lamps and "street furniture," but advocates for the disabled say it is now impassable for people in wheelchairs to move safely down the street. There is a lack of door-to-door transportation for elderly and disabled people to get to medical appointments. Even the meeting last night, at a city park, was not accessible by transit.

Joe Statler, a state legislator from our district, came over to our table. I couldn't stand it. Statler is one of two of our five legislators who signed on to a resolution to ask the US Congress to hold a constitutional convention to ban recognition of any rights for same-gender couples. "Inclusivity" indeed. I got up and walked away from our table. I couldn't stand listening to this jerk talk about transportation issues, or anything, for that matter.

I listened to the housing group next to me. Their group was predominantly African-American. They felt that landlords discriminated against them, there was a dearth of decent low-cost housing ( decent middle-class housing, too, from our house search) no public and very little subsidized housing. They felt landlords only want to rent to  WVU students.

Eventually I calmed down enough to rejoin our group. I wrote on the form where they asked for problems and solutions, that our problem was "bigoted legislators" and the solution would be to call them on it from the city council. Don offered to introduce me to Statler, as a conciliatory gesture. I had met Statler at the League of Women Voters debate in October. Last night, he denied signing on to other anti-gay legislation ( I can check that out) and said he didn't really understand the resolution banning recognition of same-gender marriages. He said "I'm just a farmboy. I don't know about this stuff." He's 70. I said "I'm from an insular suburb, but I got out and learned about the world. Don't use your background as an excuse." Maybe those weren't the exact words exchanged, but something like that.

I also confronted the Chamber guy. He wants to raise the sales tax in Monongalia County to pay for transportation projects. I pointed out that raising the gas tax would be a better solution, since sales tax hurts poor people more than the rich. They didn't think the state would go for that.

I'm too old to have to put up with bigots and make nice to one-percenters from the Chamber of Commerce. I also have to learn to be much calmer, in order to get along with people, but also to maintain my own health.

I'm not sure Morgantown's Human Rights Commission can actually accomplish anything other than make people with little or no influence feel they have some. I don't doubt the sincerity of the people on the Commission, I just don't know if the Commission has any power.

H.B. 2881

The West Virginia House has introduced a bill to disallow anti-discrimination ordinances by cities and counties if the category is not covered in state law. It was introduced by Lynne Arvon, a delegate from Beckley, a dying city in the southern part of West Virginia. She blogged that the bill was not about allowing discrimination, but making sure businesses found the same equal opportunity regulations throughout the state. She did not suggest the state a adopt a non-discrimination ordinance covering LGBT people. Here is my response to her (Slightly edited, only for punctuation and clarity):

"No one believes that this bill is not intended to bring about discrimination against LGBT people. No one thinks you actually believe your own words, given the history of hatred of LGBT people from the Republican Party generally. Did you consult with members of the LGBT community before bringing this up? I'm guessing not. Rumor is that the mayor of Beckley asked you to do it because he was afraid his city might pass it. I know there are gay people in the southern part of West Virginia; you should think about representing them as well as the people you think you represent.This whole Republican legislature has made West Virginia a laughing stock, and you are a big part of that."

Barry Lee Wendell, Morgantown

Gender

Last week, Joe and I attended a presentation at WVU by Dr. Colt Meier about transgender issues and how to make transgender people welcome at West Virginia University. I felt we should go because I am on the LGBT Equity Commission for the University, and because we are always trying to meet gay people in town, in the (so-far unsuccessful) attempt to create a gay social network for ourselves.

Dr. Meier is young, blond and pretty with stylish stubble. He spoke rapidly and covered lots of ground. Ultimately, he told us that he himself is transgendered, lucky to have had understanding parents who worked as professionals in education and psychiatry. I would add that he was lucky to be so young. In our day, he might not have survived.

Although Dr. Colt was upbeat throughout, he managed to sneak in some terrifying statistics. I don't remember the exact numbers, but a majority of trans kids are kicked out of their homes or beaten by their parents. Homelessness and unemployment are rampant, and even those with jobs are often discriminated against or harassed by coworkers and supervisors. College students have issues about sports, dormitory arrangements and prejudice from teachers and fellow students. Dating can be problematic.

We learned a new word: "cisgender." It describes people who feel that they really belong to the gender they were born into. That would describe me and Joe. We are both hairy-bodied, balding older men. We don't manscape or hide our gender characteristics. And yet...

At the break, we asked someone to take our picture with Dr Meier. I asked him "What if you look really male, but you don't do really male things?" I told him I have no interest in sports, don't drink beer or hunt, can't fix a car, like to dress flashy and secretly wish I had a collection of Barbie dolls. I didn't have to mention that I'm married to another man. Dr. Meier suggested I was "gender non-conforming." Well. I'm glad we have a name for that. Another phrase he used was "gender dysphoric." That means you are unhappy with the gender you have. That one doesn't work for me. Yes, it would be nice to have beautiful long hair like my sister, but I'm generally happy to have a man's body.

I found Dr. Meier charming and kind of hot. Of course, I was curious about how much he has changed from his original female body, but I learned from him that the answer to that question is "None of your business." Until it is. But in my case, it isn't my business and won't be.

A crowd came to hear this talk. Most of them were required to show up as part of a course. They left after the formal presentation. A faculty member signed their little cards to prove their attendance. The people who stayed for the question-and-answer were more interesting. A woman said her lover was trans, and she wondered how to tell people. A young man with curly blond hair said he understood the concept of "passing" as he was not "white" although people who met him thought he was. There were a lot of uncomfortable looking young men and women there, some trying to "pass" as the gender they were born into. It's hard to imagine how difficult that must be. I remember myself in college, trying hard not to look "gay," but already aware that I was. In those days we had to hide. Hopefully, things everywhere, even at West Virginia University, are getting better.

Joe and I with Dr. Colt Meier