Lavender Graduation at WVU

I am on the LGBT Equity Commission of West Virginia University as a "community" member. Princeton University rates colleges on a number of values every year. One of them is "gay-friendly." We were already living here before WVU filled out the questionnaire for this rating for the first time, so no earlier than 2012. They failed. The equity commission came out of that. WVU is trying to be more inclusive.

There are LGBT student groups now for undergraduates, law school students, and people in medical school and health sciences. There may be an LGBT student center next year. This is the second year of Lavender Graduation, a special ceremony to honor LGBT graduates. I didn't go last year.

This year, it was scheduled for May 2, a Saturday, at 2:30.  Joe agreed to go with me after morning services and a potluck lunch at temple. I got dressed up for services and added a purple plastic Mardi Gras-style necklace to my ensemble for the Lavender Graduation.

I wasn't expecting much from this. After all, we are liberated now, and there isn't a need for a separate ceremony, right?

Most of the grads were women. I figured it is harder for young men to be out than it is for women. I was a year and a half out of college before I could admit to anyone that I was gay. Most of the girls looked like the rest of their classmates: long, straight hair, short skirt, and sandals. They could have hid. Some of the men were more "open" looking.

University president E. Gordon Gee spoke. He stressed the importance to WVU, and to him personally, that WVU be gay-friendly. He described himself as a "devout Mormon" and how, growing up in a small town in Utah, he didn't know any non-Mormons until he went to college. He seemed surprised at himself- that he has come so far. Joe and I were invited to dinner with him last month as a couple,which should seem just natural, but still felt to me like a big step. I have great respect for President Gee.

The grads were shy. Everyone was offered a chance to speak briefly, but very few did. Of those that spoke, most of them thanked Daniel Brewster, a professor in, I think, Sociology, and an advisor to student government generally, but also a mentor to gay students. One young person, long hair and dress, spoke. "I know I can't pass," she said in a deep man's voice, then ran out in tears. A friend followed, comforted her and brought her back in.

The program listed hometowns for the students. Some were from nowhere towns in rural West Virginia. I realized how hard it must be for them to be gay or lesbian. One student listed Benghazi as his hometown, and one man, who wore a suit and came with a beautiful woman, listed Tehran as home. I spoke with him at the reception after the event. He is trying to figure out how to stay in the United States. Returning to Iran is not an option. The woman with him is a friend, also from Iran.

In line for the food at the reception, I spoke to a young man, Jewish from Baltimore County, a Pikesville High grad and an actor. I told him I had attempted an acting career in Los Angeles. He was with another young man, an actor also. They asked me for advice, as if I had anything intelligent to say. I suggested not going to Los Angeles cold. I don't think they liked that, but they both have actor-related plans after graduation elsewhere. I introduced them to my husband, the rabbi, and wished them luck and blessings. They already work hard and have talent. I've seen them both in WVU  theater productions.

I greeted Professor Brewster as we were leaving, and I thanked him for being a mentor to so many students. He told me that one of the men had never come out to anyone before that day. I was almost crying with emotion as we headed back to the car.

It's easy to be jaded after years of being out, but I was reminded how life-changing it is for a young person to be openly gay. It can mean a total break from family, friends, religion, and even one's country of origin. I applaud these new grads, and wish them a life full of love and blessings.

WVU President Gee speaking at Lavender Graduation

Three Short Pieces: The House, The Legislature, The Lecture

1. The House

 The inspector found all kinds of problems: a leak in the addition, rigged up wiring, possible asbestos on the floor in the basement. We also got an estimate of closing costs from the bank. It seemed a lot higher than we talked about.  We are to close on May 11, but the tenant is a student and graduation is May 15. We were ready to back out of the whole deal.

We met with Jonathan, the agent. He tried to calm me down. They hired a contractor to make repairs; then there will be another inspection. He explained some of the expenses, and said he would speak to the bank and get back to me about some of the others. The tenant is to move out on May 9.

So I'm feeling a little better. We have packed nothing, and we still haven't had the reinspection. I took thirty books to a charity book sale. I tried to recycle probably a hundred magazines, mostly New Yorker, The Economist ( Joe's) and Rolling Stone (mine). Mon County has recycling only every other Saturday at  Walmart south of town. During the week, the City of Westover (five miles from our house, west over the Monongahela River) has recycling. I took our magazines there Monday, but they were closed to repave the parking lot. The magazines went out with the trash yesterday morning.
Where we are moving, in the City of Morgantown, there is curbside recycling.

Joe went out and bought boxes yesterday, and our friends Dan and Daya have given us used boxes from their recent move.

I arranged for homeowner's insurance yesterday.

Somehow, this is going to happen.

II. The Legislature

I haven't been shy about hating on our state legislators. They eliminated penalties for mine owners who flout safety regulations, made it nearly impossible for miners who are injured on the job to sue, proposed many anti-gay bills, tried to fight Federal air-quality regulations, and tried to make it possible for anyone over eighteen to carry a concealed weapon with no training or permit.

OLLI, the Osher Life-Long Learning Institute, cosponsored a "wrap-up" of the last legislative session with the Democratic and Republican Central Committees and the League of Women Voters. All delegates and senators were invited.  Four of our five legislators, one of our two Senators and two from neighboring districts showed up. I couldn't wait to ask some pointed questions. I wrote out five or six cards. A woman I know from The League of Women Voters was to pick from the questions submitted those she would ask the legislators.

I wanted to know from Joe Statler and Cindy Frich (who didn't come) why they endorsed Resolution 99 which called for a national constitutional convention to disallow any recognition of same-gender relationships. All three of the Senators sponsored a "religious freedom" bill almost identical to Indiana's controversial bill. It didn't pass. I asked if they have had a change of heart from the fallout in Indiana. Delegate Amanda Pasdon opposed Common Core standards for schools because they don't reflect "West Virginia values." I asked which values she was talking about. Delegate Brian Kurcaba offered a voter ID bill, requiring a driver license or military ID to vote. We live in a college town, but Kurcaba didn't include student IDs as acceptable. I wrote a question about that.

Cindy O'Brien, who picked the questions to be asked, didn't ask any of my questions. She asked one gay rights question- "Why do we not have a state-wide nondiscrimination bill?" Ms. Pasdon and Mr Statler said they couldn't get a majority to vote for it. Mr. Statler said "I don't believe anyone should be discriminated against."  A lie. We were not given an opportunity to contradict our delegates. The three senators who came, Roman Prezioso from our district and a Democrat, Kent Leonhardt and Dave Sypolt, Republicans from adjoining districts, were upset that Governor Tomblin vetoed the bill to allow concealed carry by anyone, without training or a permit. Barbara Fleishauer, the one liberal Democratic legislator from our district was polite, but disagreed about the gun law.

That was it. O'Brien asked them a question about a bottle bill, allowing the officials to talk about when they were poor and collected bottles for the deposit, or brag about their recycling habits.

I was livid. Seems to happen often now. I did confront Brian Kurcaba about the voter ID after the formal program. He acted like he didn't know what I was talking about. He's the one who said about not allowing exceptions for rape to the 20-week abortion ban, which passed, that at least a woman who was raped would be left with a beautiful baby.

Joe was with me. He thought I should write to all the parties involved and complain. I apologized to him for wasting his time.

III. The Holocaust Speaker

I was invited to dinner with Rabbi Joe at the home of E. Gordon Gee, West Virginia University's president, before the last "Festival of Ideas" speaker, Marcel Drimer, a child survivor of The Holocaust. Drimer volunteers for The United States Holocaust Memorial Museum. I was proud that Joe was invited, and better, that we were invited as a couple. The other guests were the professor who teaches Slavic and Eastern European History,who arranged this lecture, and her boyfriend, who chairs the creative writing department at WVU. I've met both of them before.

We mostly asked The Drimers about their lives. Marcel often said "I'm covering that in my talk." Mrs. Drimer was born during World War II. Both of them were educated in post-war Poland, came to the United States in the early 1960s, and live in Northern Virginia.

At the program, Mr. Drimer spoke about his experience as a child in the Holocaust. Where he was born in Poland was invaded by Russia in 1939, then by the Germans in 1941. I won't go into the details, but he, his sister, mother and father survived because of his father's persistence, the aid of a Christian family, and luck (or as I would say, blessings). His family went through unspeakable cruelty and horror. That he came out of it as a cheerful, well-adjusted man is amazing.

 My pride went away during this lecture. We all sit around and gripe about our childhoods, or a pizza parlor that doesn't want to cater a same-gender wedding. None of us have any idea what a bad childhood is, or how real hatred as a government policy can affect us. Mr. Drimer shares his story, but he is not bitter and angry. I could take lessons.

Mr. Drimer had difficulty with words. He was in his late twenties when he came to the United States, knowing very little English (three hundred words, he said). He confessed at dinner, that at 81, he is having trouble remembering English words. He was only eleven at the end of World War II. There are fewer and fewer people to speak to us about their experience in those years.

Real Estate, Part IV

We didn't get the house we first looked at. We offered them lots less than they were asking. They had another offer they didn't like and asked both of us if we could come up with more money. We upped our bid as much as we could; the other party offered more.

We ultimately looked at eleven houses, including a  two-bedroom, two-bath apartment overlooking the Monongahela River. It would have been perfect, if we could have gotten rid of ninety-percent of our belongings, and lived a minimalist life. We finally settled on a small townhouse with a basement and a giant addition on the first floor. It's in Suncrest, a mile west of where we are now, still too close to the hospitals and between the basketball coliseum and the football stadium, three miles across campus to Tree of Life. We are in the City of Morgantown, which means we will have curbside recycling, and better local representation than we have now in an unincorporated part of Monongalia County.

There have been distractions the last few weeks. We had the Jewish holiday of Purim. It's become traditional to perform a play based on the book of Esther, with costumes and funny characters. Joe writes parodies of famous musicals, writing new lyrics to the familiar songs. This year, it was "Little Orphan Esther" base on the musical "Annie." I played King Ahasuerus, in a crown I made as part of the Purim carnival that preceded the play, and an old royal blue bathrobe with white stripes and Joe played Mordechai. He spent hours working on his play, and we had a few nights of rehearsals.

The weather this February was Minnesota-like, often below zero or snowing. Just last week, after bitter cold weather for weeks, it warmed up. Then it rained like in the days of Noah. The rain turned to snow as temperatures dropped, until we were left with more than eight inches of snow, and one day in early March, a low of -3, setting a record for the month.

This isn't an easy place to live. Two of our five delegates to the West Virginia Legislature signed on to a resolution to the United States Congress to call a Constitutional Convention to ban any recognition of same-gender relationships in the entire country. This sixty-day term, which ends this week, the Republican-led legislature passed bills to overturn mine-safety regulations, to allow anyone to carry a concealed weapon without a permit, to delete the state requirement, after last year's disastrous Elk River chemical spill, which left all of metropolitan Charleston with no water for weeks, to have all chemical tanks in the state examined annually. Many people have expressed disgust with the whole state, and threatened to move away.

I credit Barbara Evans Fleischauer with our decision to stay and put down roots. She is the one liberal from Morgantown in the legislature, and the fact that she has support made me think we can find more people to hang with. West Virginia University's new president, E. Gordon Gee, has expressed unflinching support for gay rights. We are dining with him April 1. Joe says "We are winning the gay rights battle, even here." I have to go with his optimism.

So despite living in a politically hostile town, with below-zero weather and terrible storms in winter, we are taking the leap and buying a house. We will try to make this place work for us, even if I have to run against the legislative troglodytes myself in 2016. We're already talking about taking Joe's vacation in February next year. Meanwhile, we are nervous and excited. We move the second week in May. Here's a pic of our house. It's semi-detached, so we only have the left side.  We met with the inspector today, who found some small wiring and plumbing issues. We hope the current owners will correct these issues.

The Gym and The Holidays

Back in Baltimore, we lived in a segregated society. In the days of smaller businesses, we had our own doctors, pharmacists, dentists. If Jews exercised, it was at the Jewish Community Center. Most of our classmates at school were Jews. Despite that, there was always a Christmas pageant, Christmas carols, Easter, and in some classes, until Madelyn Murray, we had to say The Lord’s Prayer and read from a Christian Bible. In high school, we had our own Jewish youth groups. Fraternization with Christians was frowned upon.

In college, my friends were most likely to be Christian, at least in name. Those of us not from super wealthy families at the private university I attended tended to hang together. None of us were particularly religious, anyway.

In Los Angeles, most of the “white” people were Jewish. Everyone lived in their own ethnic ghetto, with Jews being the most powerful group in the city. We had two synagogues for gays and lesbians, among over a hundred synagogues in Los Angeles County. It was a good place to  immerse oneself in Jewish culture and redefine it in a personal way. Public schools closed for Yom Kippur.

In West Virginia, the Jewish community is small, and probably shrinking. There is a bubble of liberal Judaism in the South Park neighborhood of Morgantown, but throughout the state, Jews are invisible by choice. In Morgantown, the local paper does feature articles about Chanuka and Rosh Hashana. This year West Virginia University’s homecoming parade and football game coincided with Yom Kippur. Morgantown High’s homecoming parade was on a Wednesday night, Rosh Hashana. A congregant told me that students and teachers were advised that they would not get an excused absence the next day for Rosh Hashana.

This brings me to the gym. I joined in the summer of 2012, right after we moved here. The gym is through WVU, designed for people over sixty and people with a heart condition. I was a perfect candidate. There are four people working in the office. Graduate and undergraduate students are out on the floor, chatting with the oldsters and taking our pulse and blood pressure periodically.

I think the regular workers were surprised that I was the husband of the new rabbi in town. The University has a non-discrimination policy for LGBT people in place, so there was no kickback. One of the men who works there, who rarely comes out of the office, has almost never spoken to me. The woman in charge, and the two other men who work there were friendly enough. They are all religious Christians, probably Evangelicals. I haven’t discussed their specific religious beliefs in great detail.. One of the men does discuss his faith with others at the gym, and when he is in charge, the radio music in the weight room mysteriously changes from classic rock to a Christian station. I wasn’t always comfortable with the talk of football and hunting among the students and workers, but I understood that this was a gym.

What changed was the court decision in the Fourth Circuit that led to the legality of same-gender marriage in West Virginia. I felt that the two men in the office who were moderately friendly avoided me after that decision.

The students are exercise physiology majors. Two of the grad students admitted to me that they hadn’t read a book all the way through since eighth grade. None of the ones I spoke to, either in 2012 or 2014 voted in the election. None of them read a newspaper. I told  some of them about the marriage decision, and most were supportive. Only one actually lit up with a big smile and said “Congratulations!” The kids do know about both professional and WVU sports teams.

One of the old guys who works out regularly is a right-wing loudmouth. He comes in and pontificates loudly about his hatred of President Obama, and once called Hillary Clinton “a twit.” No one ever disagrees with him. I did once, and we got into a heated argument. Someone pulled us apart. We are too old to actually get into a fight; we are both heart patients. I felt like I was blamed for the altercation.

We have free speech and freedom of religion in this country. What people don’t get is that there are consequences. I don’t need to be in a place where I’m uncomfortable. Yesterday,I told the woman who runs the gym, who was rarely there when I was the last few weeks, that I wasn’t coming back in 2015. She was surprised when I gave her my reasons. She didn’t think I would mind hearing Christian radio, or that I would be snubbed, or find someone’s ongoing right-wing rants offensive.

I went in yesterday, the first day of Chanuka, and gave the staff members who were there and the two grad students (the undergrads are gone, finished for the semester) bags of chocolate coins from Israel. They just looked at me. The Christmas tree is up in the office, and one of the men asked me to attend the Christmas party Friday. Maybe I’m picking a fight where there doesn’t need to be one, but, no, I don’t want to be at your Christmas party.

Maybe the problem is just West Virginia. Christianity, particularly the anti-gay type, is the State religion. Maybe I should stay and continue to educate people. I’d rather keep looking for a more comfortable gym. We may move to South Park next year, close to the synagogue, and the one liberal neighborhood in the 250 mile stretch between Pittsburgh and Charleston.